i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
So help my penis see only you. Give him some attention as well.
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
Randomize
