And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
Our funnel is on top of our neighbors roof.
officially hit rock bottom.. been yelling through the vent in my room to my little brother trying to convince him to get me water for the past two hours. i fear feeling the full effect of my hangover if i stand.
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
We had sex during an intermission, then the second period. The bruins better win. Missing a period isn't worth having sex with him
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
It's seriously like a finger. But it's a cock. I don't know what to do. I feel like I fuck him to be polite.
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
Randomize
