at some point to night u and I have a 'meeting' too...(1-737): I hope so
whats the weirdest thing you ever masturbated to?
King Triton
If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
is it bad that the only reason i knew what antidote meant in class today, was from years of playing pokemon?
Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
ttyl tear gas
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
Randomize
