Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
All I can see in the pic you sent is white shorts...
Thas my pasnts in colleg! Tehy glow! AND SMELL LIKE BEER!
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
Well, let me first tell you that jack and cokes were ONE FUCKING DOLLAR.. It's like the club wanted me to make poor choices.
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
Randomize
