Dub. In the bra. Dub in the bra.
ok watching intervention on tv. when i hit rock bottom - i wanna be THIS chick.
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
My ass is underappreciated
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Dude she is fucking shit up. Her baby would be proud
Randomize
