Tip for today: never try to fart and swallow at the same time. You'll end up choking on whatever you are currently swallowing and shit yourself from the freakout of choking.
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
...im seriously confused as to why this doesn't make sense to you. Girl hostage, rob casino. Makes perfect sense.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he said didn't have much sexual experience and then proceeded to tell me he is going to make me cum harder than my vibrator could
well, that escalated quicky
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
I'm having to shit out rocks
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