Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
So Ive decided I have serious issues. Im walking around the school with a bag labeled booze money collecting from people while slightly hungover at 8:20 in the morning, and nobody is questioning me.
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
Sincerely would love to tap that, on a mountain with the wind blowing on your pubes .
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
soo...what's the appropriate way to ask to come over and take your S&M lingerie out of your ex's apartment? big weekend planned, kinda need it.
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
I CLEANED MY BATHROOM FOR YOU!! betrayal
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
Randomize
