i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
Why does Corona taste like a burp?
he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
My last google search was 'bulk asian wives' I don't know either
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
I have peed in a lot of sinks
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