So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
Ok say I was sexually attracted to a patient who also happens to be in high school...on how many levels is that illegal? And will I actually hear the laws break when I fuck him
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
dude, where did you go? french fries taste like numbers
Randomize
