May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
It's gotten to the point where even copying off yahoo answers is still way too much work.
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
Either he masturbated at the end of the bed or she gave him a bj. Either way my bed was shaking and I was uninvolved.
Acid flashbacks - fact or fiction? Have been seeing a surprising amount of sparkly shit this afternoon...
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
We were debating whether you had hooked up with him. I was right for the record.
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
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