I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
well, atleast the road to alcoholism is fun.
I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
he seriously made his penis a facebook.
okay, this game isn't funny anymore. tell us where all the forks are.
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
gymnastic barn sex. fuck i wish i hadn't blacked out
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
Whenever you have to pee or whatever I'll be over here to harass you
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
Randomize
