please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
who won?
THAT is your concern right now?
God, you're like boner-b-gone
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
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