I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
Saved By The Bell: The College Years had it waaaay wrong on that one.
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
I cant shower it involves moving...
Just lay there and turn the water on. At least rinse off the shame.
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
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