I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
I have surprise drugs for everyone
Well we went from the roof to the stairwell to an air mattres. One day were going to fuck in a bed
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
I don’t care how cute or big a guy is I’m done with drunken hand jobs. It was like I was pulling a nine inch bungee cord for 25 minutes. Now My arm and shoulder is dead
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