Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
I wish they made helmets for livers.
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
Dude...disintegrating condoms. Think about it. For all the guys that wanna go raw dog but their girls won't let them, and for the girls that wanna get pregnant but their guys don't want a kid. What do you think?
I think you've been hitting the soco too hard again.
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
we played a my little pint drinking game. It was awesome.
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
don't worry, i'll dog sit again, the barking made the sex better, its like he was cheering for us, we were just THAT good.
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
Randomize
