Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
He kept saying 'your mouth is Amazing' even after I was on his dick.
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
WHAT GOOD IS APPRECIATING IF NOBODY'S NAKED
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
Randomize
