You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
Just made gatorade. in the bathtub.
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?
Is it illegal to hookup with your fathers god child?
Randomize
