I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
So im using the back of a keystone box as notecard for my presentation
I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
Is "blowjob enthusiast" a bad costume?
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
I feel like I have heartburn in my nipples.
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
You were a for sure 10. You put on a traffic cone to meet someone.
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
Do not take the D yet, he needs to be worth it. Your Vagina is GOLD.
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
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