i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
they just did a mariachi cover of free bird
It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
He was eating mac and cheese. Raw. Like as in he was eating the uncooked noodles then pouring the dry cheese in his mouth.
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
Randomize
