I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
What drink are we having for lunch?
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
Theyll love you, its bunch of older ladies who drink whisky and sours and talk about the sex seans in Game of Throwns
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
Randomize
