babies were throwing up all over the place
What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
I was just compiling a top 5 blowjobs list and that's in there for sure.
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
Randomize
