I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
I'm 3 blocks south of you watching drag queens.
It's an Italian thing I guess, grew up on that shit.
I'm Irish, we don't eat cow guts unless they're blended into a fine whiskey
Do you think they'll have a special part during the BET awards for Michael Jackson even though he turned white?
she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
Just saw the hottest 4 garbage men ever. They should make a calendar
come over, blizzard of oz party. dress up.
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
Do you remember whose house we're in?
I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
Randomize
