Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
we made out inside of a kiddie slide for about 20 mins. it was the sexiest, most suffocating experience I've ever had
cat food counts as protein by the way
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
I just did the walk of shame..with a blanket and a cup that says i will out drink all you bitches. This was not how i pictured 25.
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
My day in three words: secret purse cake
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
Randomize
