Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
Yes, i finally made it. but let me tell you...i can smell myself right now in class right now, this scent is called alcoholism.
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
It was like giving head to a cactus.
I told him I felt we were at the point where if I saw him talking to another girl, I'd probably choke him out. So I guess you could say things are getting serious.
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
Randomize
