Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
Its not like he dircectly choose a cheeseburger over sex, it was more like I said seductively "I really appreciate this and I'm going to make it up to you anyway I can" and he replied "i want a bacon cheeseburger"
i guess he just knew i was going to sleep with him either way
Just did the walk of shame across state lines...milestone?
He's been dead since March and more people write on his wall than mine.
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
we had to follow your trail of clothes to find you.......
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
Randomize
