I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
Oh you know, watching its always sunny and petting his cat and NOT fucking. I'm starting my whorefree 2012 resolution early.
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
I am sorry. I am also on acid.
He may be 6' 6" but I'm 180 lbs of pure rage and determination
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
Randomize
