so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
he just came in and straightened the chair and left again
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
him crossdressing on the weekends is awkward but not a deal breaker for me.
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
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