Fucking love it maybe bedazzle some baby seals? Make them cuter? Who would club a bedazzled baby seal? Only a fucking monster.
i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
Dear sober self: your car keys are in the glove compartment, your car is outside the church. I hope you're reading this from your own bed instead of someone else's.
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
But how will the next generation learn about life choices without a Jersery Shore?
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
I'm scared because his knowledge of star trek is turning me on
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
Randomize
