I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
If I'm walking weird, don't judge me. Things got kinda outta hand with the GoPro on.
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
Randomize
