Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
Just found 50 pesos and a coke spoon in my dads old shit. Gotta love the 70s
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
damn. i can't believe how fast that went from 0 to lesbian
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
High with mom again. She's giving me relationship advice.
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
Just fell out of the attic onto the garage floor. Okay but might go for an x ray. Smashed one of the kitchen drawers to bits.
Holy Shit Mom
Randomize
