I'm not saying he was bad at sex, but I'm pretty sure I anti-climaxed.
the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
Home. Hour long discussion with mom. Very frightened. Eating a sausage. Don't remember making it. Confused.
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
You took it upon yourself to rid the world of them, and by that I mean you dressed up as Batman and started kicking them in the shins.
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
Randomize
