Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
I had it in my eyebrows, my bangs, under one eye, and across both cheeks. Congratulations on the successful and elusive warpaint cumshot.
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
I GOT MY PERIOD THIS IS A GLORIOUS DAY I AM TOTALLY GOING TO MAKE PIES TO CELEBRATE THAT THERE ARE NO REPUBLICANS IN MY UTERUS!
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
What is the acceptable way to offer a trade of sex for a few hours of body heat?
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
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