What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
I am at a striph cluv. They are ovealls everywhere. I have hot rock botto.
I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
Did he make you just lay your head next to his cock and talk to it again?
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Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
i should do something illegal before my birthday. as of thursday im old enough to go to jail.
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
I think my penis runs off weed. I haven't smoked it 3 days and I have no sex drive what so ever
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
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