found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
Just want to let you know thanks for setting the bar pretty low when it comes to girls.
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
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