you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
want to meet me after class and possibly get arrested for indecent exposure?
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
All I know is I want him to tie me up at least twice a week and I have an overwhelming urge to cook for him. Could this be love? I'm so confused....
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
Funniest thing happened to Chloe! She talked the bf into a mmf threesome, and he loudly and enthusiastically discovered he was gay during it. Whole dorm literally heard it happen.Well funny for me. Chloe not so much.
Randomize
