So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
no its okay don't call 911, she's alive. just stopped by her house and banged on her door. she said she turned her phone off because she "had to be alone with her shame and embarassment". typical.
what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
I'm still not walking right. We need some boundaries for "drink-or-dare"...
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
When did angry sex become our thing?
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." 🙄 🍞🍷
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