i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
eww mummy girl is here...
what the fuckk. i just want to hold her down, wax her eyebrows, and give her some morals.
Booyah. Found 8000 pesos in my closet and that's apparently 608 US dollars
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
Knowing that he goes to voodoo every Thursday really makes me want to get myself checked.
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
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