I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
I know. I just don't want anything else. I have no other desire. Just a ham sandwich.
I honestly don't know what to make of that.
A ham sandwich would be nice.
It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others..
At what point should i just give my brother a break and stop sleeping with his friends?
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
i took a magical journey through the park for about two hours. it was amazing and everything was fantastical. i have been informed someone babysat me through that shit.
Wait, there's no way I said I would suck his dick. I know drunk Katie.
No, you told him to suck YOUR dick.
See now that sounds like drunk Katie.
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
Randomize
