I was able to overlook the Affliction tee until he took it off and there was another tattooed on his body.
Was it at least attractive minus the Gargoyles or skulls... or whatever affliction is putting out these days?
Even a greek god couldn't pull it off. Told him I like Ed Hardy Better. Death Before Dishonor, baby. I'm sure it was a painful blow. hopefully he understands sarcasm.
I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
Randomize
