so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
Randomize
