i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
It was ok at first, but now im getting freaked out by him jerking off to me doing yoga
we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
How do I know I'm high? Let me count the ways.
1. I put the milk in the cupboard, 2. Everything tastes fucking amazing, 3. My dog is really soft, 4. The lunesta butterfly flew out of my tv and touched me
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
Ok she stopped using her fork and knife and is legit eating that steak using her hands.
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
I'm beginning to think shitting his pants is just a normal thing for him.
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
Randomize
