I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
Its that time of week again, Bad life decision wednesday
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
Lol. Awesome. Seriously though, I need you focused next year. We're gone have a lot of drinking and stupid nonsense to do, and I don't want dumb shit like responsibility to get in my fucking way.
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
Randomize
