hot pretzels for dinner, snacks, and now breakfast...oh to be a poor college student...everyday is like a carnival.
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
Wine through a straw in a subway cup.....classy
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
Randomize
