Me too ba-by. I wanna bite your ear lobes they are so fat.
i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
We're making a scrapbook of dick pics, you want in or what?
now to finish some work and then i think i'll work out. or garden. or at the very least I'll continue eating frozen grapes and take more drugs
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
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