There was an extended period of my adolescent life where my friends and I would get high, drive around in my minivan listening exclusively to the wu tang clan, and intentionally crash into snowbanks
You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
You guys need to get along, there is no need for a pissing contest...We're all fucking each others ex's.
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
The problem with Wednesday evening drinking is that no gets to my level. It's like like a one man party. But it's a goood party.
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
I vaguely remember seeing that couple making out in front of that store and i yelled "I ALSO LOVE THE ROCKY MOUNTAIN SOAP COMPANY!"
in that moment our bushes were one. and in that moment we were pure.
Plus he is a pilot so I could give him flight dome
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
Randomize
