Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
Pushiiing vjews 4 ma daz caik
Lyk hr kuds 4
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
we probably should not get naked in my neighbor's garage again. just sayin
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
Randomize
