all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
we should start a freak-out-the-cashier-contest. I just bought JerseyShore Season2, red high heels, and nipple soothing pads
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
Randomize
