i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad.
I won't apologize to a one balled man
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
I forgot wine drunk hurts
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
Basically we had a threesome in one room and a fivesome in the next room. Its what I like to call a win win situation.
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
Randomize
