I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
I just want to like rub my face on his abs
I need help
I sleep better at night when I win things. I never really weep for others.
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
Dick is healthier for you than green beans
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
Randomize
