she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Everytime the frat boy touches his bro's ass after making a cup take a drink
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Head-banging is a very stupid way to injur yourself. But this opinion is also coming from somebody who can't walk right because they cut their asshole shaving last night, so it probably has little to no merit.
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
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