she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
There is an asian family here, I heard the mom call her son onyong
Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
when i saw his roomate the next night he kept openly referring to me as "the girl who orgasms loud" when he would try to get my attention
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
Yes she scared me. She had NIPPLE CLAMPS ATTACHED TO A STUN GUN.
I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
Who did he bring home?
Idk. But did you see her shoe choice by the stairs, I'm really not expecting anything great.
Randomize
