Whatever, you were 10 deep and there was a hot tub. No judgment.
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
Dinner?
YES CON MARGARITAS POR FAVOR!!!! MUCHO MARGARITAS!!!
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
im tired of guys just wanting to hook up with me. im like, guys, i know im pretty and i have a slammin bod and i love making out, but cant someone treat me with respect??
he would NOT stop making out with my stomach! creeeeeepy
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
Randomize
