As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this.
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
Plus it's a good way to scope out guys. Have them fight for you, like real males do in nature.
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
Randomize
