Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
I may or may not have puked in my RA's suggestion box.
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
Miscalculate d the jungle juice, it's actually 10%. Can't taste the diff anyway but my stomcha is warm. Come play pongm.
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
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