yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
Goodbye hot boy in my geo class...goodbye my lover, goodbye my friend. you have been the one, you have been the reason I came to claassss
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
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