I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
So...#1 on my TO DO list for college is to fuck someone somewhere in the stadium during the homecoming game...you down?
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
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