haha it's okay then, bc he only killed a canadian, they're not real people
dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
So. Much. Porn.
Randomize
