Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
I wish my new phone didn't autocorrect so well. People will never experience the magic of my drunk texts because they think I'm making a coherent statement.
I havnt been this mad since the coche de Los murtos incident
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
okay i know we havent talked for like weeks but i just really wanted to tell you that i miss your dick. like alot.
whose this? and thank you
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