I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
No, "because my penis told me to" is not an acceptable answer to that question
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
I don't think you seem to understand this concept. WHEN A GAY GUY HANDS YOU A DAIQUIRI, YOU DRINK IT.
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
On the bad side I puked, but on the bright side I puked lettuce which was a new experiance
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
Randomize
