Good face, no body. And apparently her vagina is related to chewbaca.
Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
Randomize
