Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
Someone just pulled taco bell tacos out of their purse in class....2 problems with here. 1) this class is nutrition 2) taco bell is not open this early.
Karaoke into a bottle of boones. dear summer in alabama, glad to see you again.
Like some sort of pot growing robin hood.
Sitting here reading the internet and all i have to show for this summer is a shitty tan and the possible case of clamidia.
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
He started french braiding my hair while I was blowing him. The question is not why, but how.
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
I guess the weekly d&d orgies are treating you well
Just googled myself and a bunch of boob shots of me came up. Apparently my phone automatically uploaded them to my google plus.
Please google me ASAP and ensure I corrected this...
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
Randomize
