I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
That doesn't help it make any more sense. Because now you've brought pinata condoms into this.
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No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
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I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
Well, I have no idea where my underwear is, so yea I would say it was a good weekend.
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
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