Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
My T9 Word has dryhumped saved but I can't even get it to figure out bbq.
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
Randomize
