Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
I like yr title more along "the hot Russian I have sex with."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I believe some people would call last night an orgy.
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
We shot off some fireworks at 12 and then I orchestrated the group singing of god bless the USA all while wearing a don't tread on me flag as a cape. I repped hard.
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything
he was wearing a pyjama shirt under a dress shirt under a hoodie under a robe under a rain poncho the man was prepared for anything
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
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