So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
I lick assholes and I wouldn't eat mdma
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
Randomize
