I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
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