i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
I think I just puked all over my comforter and my roomdmate won't wakt up to washc it for me
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
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